But omg, soooooooooooo bone-tired. Signings, podcasts, "author speed dating." NCTE is *awesome*, but must go rest my weary soul!
Oh! Oh! And wanna see a sneak-peek of Thirteen Plus One? Okay! (They have it at the conference; it's the first time I've seen it!)
What do you think?????
--at the Pittsburgh Carnegie Library! at 7:00 PM! BE THERE!--
...they will be giving every teen/tween who attends one of my books!!!!!! (As long as they last, anyway.)
How cool is that? Purty darn cool, sez me.
More evidence that Pittsburgh is a...well...um...friendly city, I arrived at my hotel last night to find a note slipped under my door from my "constant and caring friend." Her name, she told me, is Abby, and she wants to do everything she can to make my "visit" pleasant. She, not me, put the word "visit" in quotation marks, bringing to mind the great dinner scene in St. Elmo's Fire where a prim and proper socialite asks, "“Did you hear about Betty Rothberg?” Then she whispers, “Cancer." Then, later in the scene, Rob Lowe is asked where he met Mare Winningham, and he lowers his voice and whispers, "_______."
What does he whisper, dear friends? Hmmm? Eighties buffs out there?
And Abby, my constant and caring friend whom I've never met...who ARE you? Will you be at the reading tonight?????
And now it is gone. Gone like a prawn, as Mel would say. Stupid airport internet ate it--grrrrrr!
It was, like, REALLY hilarious. Trust me. More hilarious than anything you've ever read or will read. Plus it had the answer to life in it. But alas, I have to get on a plane--to Pittsburgh!--so I don't have time to rewrite it. Le sigh.
I will, however, jump to the--oh what's the expression?--to the place I am going to jump to, which is this:
I somewhat accidentally bought a copy of the newly packaged, adorably covered Let It Snow, because there it was at the airport bookstore! In the ROMANCE section!!! And I had to get the nice lady to help me find it, and she did, and then I felt compelled to purchase it, never mind that I have a whole box of them at home.
But hey, my need to please is your gain! IF you live in Pittsburgh, that is. Or have a teleportation machine handy.
I'll be at the Carnegie Library tomorrow night; call the library for deets, as I think you have to have a ticket. The tickets are free, though. If you come, and if you want to win my newly purchased copy of Let It Snow, do this: As soon as I'm introduced, thrust your hand in the air and wave it wildly. Say, "Ooo! Ooo! Pick me, pick me!" When, with a puzzled frown, I call on you, say, "I *love* teacup pigs!!!!!"
Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezie! And the book will be yours. ;)
(By the way: the sweet new cover? Imagine John Green, shirtless, holding a swooningly beautiful Maureen Johnson in a frock only slightly ripped. It is HOT, I tell you. Smokin'.)
Here is the topic I'm to
I've heard people say that novels for tweens and teens are "supposed" to be hopeful, or at least end hopefully, and I think that many do. But is this important to y'all as readers? Or does BLEAK AND DEPRESSING work just as well?
And what makes a character engaging and compelling, anyway? What keeps a character from being engaging and compelling? When authors get it wrong (myself included (potentially)), where do they go astray?
What makes you love a book? What makes you hate a book? What makes you--insert gasp of horror--put down a book, never to return to it again?
Feel free to discuss. Please.
Really.
(P.S. I am still afraid of my skinny jeans, but am trying valiantly to FACE MY FEAR! With this in mind, fashion tips regarding skinny jeans are also welcome!)
+reaches into bakery box and tosses cupcakes pell-mell into the ether+
And now, some just plain HAPPY emails. From kids. Who are cool, because kids usually are!
Hi, Mrs. Myracle,
It is Crista, the one who DID NOT like to read. I met you when you were on tour and solemnly swore to read 50 pages of Luv ya Bunches. Well I did and..... I LOVED IT!!!!!!!! It is my world now. On my phone my signature is Luv ya Bunches. I am like all of them; Yasaman because she is spastic, Katie-Rose because she is so funny and doesn't go in the crowd,Violet because I would be afraid to give Tally the turtle back, and Camilla because she has an awesome style. I LOVE it!! I want to read it again and again. I told everyone in my class about it and they are probably going to read it. I could not stop reading it. I am a better reader now.
Thank you for bringing it into my world.
*angels sing hallelujah*
Love, CristaThank you for bringing it into my world.
*angels sing hallelujah*Dear Lauren Myracle,
I am Molly and I am nine years old, (I'll be turning ten in a week.) I read LUV YA BUNCHES and I loved it. The perspective of Milla having two moms was just great. I love your book a whole lot and I don't think it's right if Scholastic doesn't put it out for the book fairs. I loved it and I
think a lot of other kids will, too. I'm glad that you didn't change the two moms part because that was Milla's character. I'm in fourth
grade and I just started homeschooling, but if I were back at school, I wouldn't be able to get your book in the book fair and that would be sad for me and my friends. It's disrespectful for kids who have two moms or two dads and kids don't get to pick their parents. It's not fair to tell kids that their parents are wrong for just being who they are.
Thank you so much for writing a book like that. I can't wait until the
second one comes out. Then the third. Then the fourth.
Sincerely,
Molly
I'll end with this quick exchange, because it's such a good example of how kids are usually totally unfazed by the things (some) adults worry about!
Hi, Lauren! I'm reading Luv Ya Bunches right now (I'm on chapter 8), and I was wondering why Camilla has two moms.
Sincerely,
Madison
Hi, Madison! Ooo, I'm so happy you're reading the book. I hope you like it!
Milla has two moms because her moms are gay. Did you know that a lot of kids in America have same-sex parents? It's time they show up in books, I think!
xoxo,
Lauren
It's me again. Madison. I think it's great that you featured different kinds of families in this book. And now, if you don't mind, I'd like to know more about you. Like what's your favorite color? Mine is orange.
Sincerely,
Madison
P.S. I'm on chapter 13 of Luv Ya Bunches already. I can't put it down!!!!!Sincerely,
Madison
Today, I got two follow-up emails from the same angry lady:
First came this one:
You really don't get it do you ? I am not sure where you are coming from but its not a" good fit "sort of place...Your books aren't a "good fit" for most mothers, fathers , teachers, clergy, care givers, school personnel, any one who really cares about our kids being safe, smart ,healthy, strong, and making good choices..morally, ethically, health wise, manner wise, spiritually wise...you just don't care obviously by the crap you put into your books aimed at young girls...FYI...your books are banned in our school..and everyone I tell about your degrading book tells someone else about it..they are all on the lookout for your trash here ,,,why would you write such scum for girls to read , I am curious as to your explanation although I feel you are truly delusional and narcisstic. I read you bio ,,you really are in denial of what you put out there, and how can you call yourself a Christian...with all the sex, swearing, booze, drugs, blow jobs, cruel pranks etc... that you ! put into your books aimed at young girls??? Uhmmm , once again whats your reason for this sort of negative, dangerous stuff? Girls at this age have enough scary stuff thrown at them,,whats your problem ?Your books make all this crap sound OK and almost expected..you are basically peddaling all that crap with your words. like a dealer does with his drugs..or a pimp..
Your patronizing message was just that, I dont accept it. I can tell you dont give a hoot about what you do to our kids with your careless words...and you should.!
Lori M.
And thirteen minutes later, just to make sure there was no misunderstanding, a second email that I assume she's sending to everyone in her address book (though to be honest, I have no idea):
This book, apparently like all of the books in this series, is complete trash. Over my dead body will my kids ever speak or act this way. I am a liberal, long-haired academic and yet I am disgusted at the lifestyles that this book glorifies for young teens. I understand that drugs and sex often happen early, but glorifying them in any book, much less a book aimed at young girls is completely unacceptable. This book is trash. Do not let your kids buy it.
Hmmm. How to respond, how to respond. Ideas? Give me your best one line response--winner gets virtual cupcake!
-------- Original Message --------
Subject: regarding one of your bookswhat sort of woman writes books with the contents full of sex, blow jobs, fucking, drugs ,swearing, porno, sex partys,dildos... etc etc aimed at young girls of America..something is very wrong with you and your books have been banned from our local school because they are disturbing and very innapropriate and dangerous for young girls to read...I find you cruel and evil do write this shit and gear it towards our young women to be ...its outrageous ! You need mental help..
Lori M. |
Hi, Lori,
I'm sorry my books aren't a good fit for you, but I appreciate your concern.
Best,
Lauren
After years of receiving such letters, it is true that I have gotten less interested in...engaging. I still always reply, though!
Today I am a teleologist for sure, because guess what? Scholastic is going to include Luv Ya Bunches in its middle school book fairs! And Milla's two moms have been invited, too! They will be there chatting about books and giving kids cupcakes, and it will be a big happy party. As for Milla, she is so proud. She just can't stop smiling. I mean, imagine being a kid with same-sex parents and going to a book fair and not finding one single book that reflects the kind of family you have. It would be lonely-making, yeah? But Milla, she'll see herself now. AND Mom Joyce AND Mom Abigail. And her other buds will see her family, too, and they'll be like, "Oh, yeah, cool. Now pass me a cupcake, sister."
Go, Milla. Go Mom Joyce and Mom Abigail. Go *y'all* for speaking up and caring about making the world a better, more loving place! You can read more about how it went down in School Library Journal's follow-up article, and also at Change.org. Oh, and Mombian pointed out the extremely bizarre twist of how the story even caught the attention of Conan O'Brien--if you want to check it out, click on the link and forward to about four minutes into his opening monologue. And just today I heard that the news about Milla and her moms has even made it across the pond. Big it up, Brits!
So I say: Way to go, Scholastic, for having the strength of character to support tolerance, acceptance, and, of course, books. +gives Scholastic a proud thumb's up+
I also want to give all kinds of hugs to Abrams, my publishing family, for supporting both me and the book from the beginning. I want to share something my amazing and brilliant editor, Susan Van Metre, has to say about the books we've sent out into the world together, because...well...it made me cry. And because it's lovely, and expresses my own feelings about the importance any given book--and who's to say which book?--can have for a kid.
She says:
From the day in May of 1998 when I read Lauren's manuscript for what would
become her first novel, KISSING KATE, I knew I had met a writer who was
completely honest with her audience, who had created a literary world that
was a true reflection of the complicated one kids navigate every day.
Lauren's characters speak as kids speak, know what kids know, wonder what
kids wonder. There's no bubble around them, no pretending that they would
say "gosh" or "darn" when they would really say "God" or "damn." No
pretending that they live in a "Leave It to Beaver" world of picket fences
and lemonade stands (not to say there isn't sweetness in Lauren's
world--there is!). The ten-year-old in me, the one who HATED feeling coddled
by authors, who turned to books from a burning desire to UNDERSTAND the
world she lived in, was thrilled. LUV YA BUNCHES is the eighth book I have
worked on with Lauren. In it is that same precious honesty I see in all her
books. And something else, too, so rarely touched on in the discussions of
whether or not Lauren's books are "age appropriate": a desire to help kids
be good people. Lauren is a good author and a good person. I am so proud
to be her editor.Yes, I am a big melty puddle of mush. +reaches across cyberspace and hugs sweet Susan+Whenever I talk to kids about my books, I point out that just because a character makes a mistake, that doesn't make him or her a bad person. That's true in the real world, too. We all make mistakes, every single one of us. The real litmus test is what we do after. Well, my friends, you have all inspired me to keep plugging away, just as I know y'all will, working toward the happily ever after...and after...and after.
I want to share some excerpts from the emails I've gotten. I've left out names and identifying details, but I've left in the incredible heart and spirit woven throughout. In many of these emails, y'all thanked me for "sticking to my guns," and while I so so *so* appreciate your well wishes, I also feel as if...you know...I haven't done anything that anyone else in the same situation wouldn't have done. Which is just to say that we shouldn't have to defend non-traditional families, and ten years from now, hopefully this will no longer be an issue.
Families are families. Kids are kids. Love is love. Thanks you, sweeties, for making me proud of our society, even though we're a work in progress.
Lauren, thank you for writing Luv Ya Bunches and for sticking to your guns when Scholastic asked you to change Milla's parents. I haven't yet gotten my hands on the book (this controversy was the first I've heard of it) but from what I've read, Milla sounds very much like my daughter, who at 9 is cool and fashion-conscious and socially savvy and completely different from what both my spouse and I--both lifetime nerds--were like at her age. I know she'll love to read about this character who has same-sex parents just like she does.
Scholastic says their decision not to offer Luv Ya Bunches at book fairs is not censorship because there are lots of books they don’t offer; they pick and choose based on many factors. I’m sure they do select for a number of factors, and also that potential controversy is one of those factors (I once heard Gordon Korman recount a conversation with his editor who, having just read the first page of Korman’s Born to Rock, which features a reference to an a prison cavity search, said matter-of-factly, “So, not a book fair candidate, then.”)
Nonetheless, and regardless of what it's called, as a former book fair chairperson, a librarian, a reader, and the lesbian parent of a girl right in Luv Ya Bunches’s target audience, I am spitting mad about this. Book fairs, like libraries, are where kids get to exercise their autonomy and freedom of choice by picking their own books about the things they’re interested in. Book fairs are one of the places where kids’ horizons get expanded. If this title isn’t available at book fairs, kids like my kid and her friends won’t have the chance to make that choice for themselves. By excluding Luv Ya Bunches from book fairs, Scholastic is putting same-sex parents in the same category as a prison cavity search: something yucky, distasteful, and for mature audiences only.
Nonetheless, and regardless of what it's called, as a former book fair chairperson, a librarian, a reader, and the lesbian parent of a girl right in Luv Ya Bunches’s target audience, I am spitting mad about this. Book fairs, like libraries, are where kids get to exercise their autonomy and freedom of choice by picking their own books about the things they’re interested in. Book fairs are one of the places where kids’ horizons get expanded. If this title isn’t available at book fairs, kids like my kid and her friends won’t have the chance to make that choice for themselves. By excluding Luv Ya Bunches from book fairs, Scholastic is putting same-sex parents in the same category as a prison cavity search: something yucky, distasteful, and for mature audiences only.
When I told my 9-year-old daughter yesterday morning about this development (I left out the cavity search analogy, and in fact didn't give my opinions at all), she was shocked and indignant. “They need to WAKE UP!” she said. “Families can be different. NOT everybody has a mom and a dad. It’s just not right!”
Lauren,
So sorry to hear that Scholastic declined LYB due to the gay parents. I
wish I could say I was shocked, but I'm not. They declined my book due
to a gay uncle. I just wanted to send you a note, commiserating over
that kind of nonsense, but also to congratulate you for bringing it to
public light. I'm so glad you're speaking out.
Lauren: You'll be happy to know you are very well represented at our temple book fair. My people embrace lesbian moms.
Dear Lauren,
I was so upset about Luv Ya Bunches being censored that I called Scholastic Book Fairs and asked to speak to someone about it. The woman I spokek with was extremely kind and gracious with her time.
What I asked her was:
1) How many times, say in a year, does Scholastic Book Fairs ask authors to change the content of their books in order to be inluded in the book fairs?
2) Are the Scholastic Book Fair editions ever substantially different (characters or sections removed or modified in meaningful ways) from the original, and if they are, how can we tell what content has been changed?
She explained that book fair title selection is done for the elementary level (grades K-6) and for the middle level (grades 6-8). As far as "Luv Ya Bunches" was concerned, the title was deemed as mature, or for a young adult audience, for various reasons, and not included in elementary book fairs.
There was not a direct answer to the question of what categories of content would make a book inappropriate for inclusion in an elementary book fair.
When Scholastic Book Fairs is interested in a specific title for the elementary and/or middle level book fairs, they sometimes engage in discussion with the authors/editors. If I understand correctly, the authors/editors are welcome to re-write, abridge or modify the content if they choose to have their book included in whichever level of book fair. Books that have been substantially changed would say so.
There does not seem to be a record of how many times (or about how many different titles), say in a year, these discussions take place.
I asked whether there have ever been any titles available through the elementary level book fair that included families with same-sex parents. At this time, no one seems to be able to name one such title.
Personally, I think that suggesting to an author/editor that a huge company will buy your book if you just change a word (or character, or setting, or reference) in order to make it less objectionable -- is censorship. It is, in my estimation, attempting to suppress or delete potentially controversial content.
I do not know if homosexuality is a trigger word when Scholastic Book Fair folks are determining books for the elementary level book fairs, but I do know that no one like to be called a bigot.
Not offering Luv Ya Bunches at school book fairs hurts those children who in fact, have
same-sex parents. This is not really a case of being fair to gay parents but a case of refusing to marginalize their children. The numbers of children with GLBT parents is growing at an exponential rate and these children can be found everywhere. They are already in the minority. They already struggle to find positive representations of themselves and their families in popular culture. As a company interested in serving children, Scholastic should be on the leading edge of giving all children healthy, realistic representations of their lived reality.
Hi! I am the mom of a wonderful 3rd grader, and I just learned about your book "Luv Ya Bunches" because the Family Equality Council newsletter highlighted its censorship by Scholastic.
This is EXACTLY the kind of literature we need to help all of our kids. Oh... I forgot to tell you that my daughter has two moms. Can you imagine what it feels like for a shy 8 yr old living in a conservative suburb where most of the kids don't even know about the possibility of 2 moms - much less three?!!!
Anyway, thank you so very, very much for normalizing folks like us (hah - never thought I could say that about myself!) It is so, so important for my little girl especially - and all children. We've had tearful times over this that would break your heart - they sure did mine.
Dear Lauren,
I am so deeply deeply proud of you for not backing down to the pressure to change Milla's parents to a straight couple in order to get "Luv Ya Bunches" accepted into the Scholastic School Book Fairs. My daughter has two Dads, and the thought of her excitement at being able to buy your book at the book fair - a book where there's a character who has same-sex parents - is heady. What a shame that Scholastic is so concerned with offending people, and are afraid of the truth of the "norm" shifting. Because they have surely offended me and hundreds of thousands of parents like me.
Lauren,
I want to share with you a letter that I just sent to my daughter's school PTO asking that they sever ties with Scholastic Book Fairs over this anti-gay censorship issue. Thanks for your moral courage ... here is my letter:
Dear ____________,
I am writing to request that the our School PTO cancel its Scholastic Book Fair scheduled for this fall and that our School refuse to do business with Scholastic Book Fairs due to their censorship of same-sex families.
'LUV YA BUNCHES, about four elementary school girls who have little in common, but bond over the fact that they’re all named after flowers, is the first installment of a four-book series. But Scholastic says the book, released on October 1, failed to meet its vetting process because it contains ... same-sex parents of one of the main characters, Milla.
With their request, Scholastic Book Fairs attempted to erase the representation of a family headed by same-sex parents from a juvenile story, simply because the parents were a same-sex couple. Even though no one is required to purchase, read, or even look at any title in a Scholastic Book Fair, Scholastic Book Fairs decided that the existence of one same-sex family in a juvenile novel made the book inappropriate for inclusion in any and all Scholastic Book Fairs nationwide.
Scholastic Book Fairs' efforts to erase a same-sex family from a juvenile novel, and refusing to stock the title in their book fairs if
the same-sex family remains in the story, is a blatant case of homophobic intolerance and bigotry. This is inconsistent with the
values of our School, our district, our city, and our state.
My daughter, who is a fifth grade student, is being raised by two mothers. I am asking that our School -- which has
always been respectful toward my daughter and inclusive of her family --stop doing business with Scholastic Book Fairs until they change their policy to include (or at least not deliberately exclude) and represent gay and lesbian people in their book fairs.
As an alternative to Scholastic Book Fairs, our local independent bookstore also provides book fairs to local schools.
Please help us send the message to Scholastic Book Fairs that same-sex families are a valued and respected part of our school community. Tolerance, not homophobia, is the norm here.
Lauren, that is just awful they would try to make you change how Milla has two moms.My sister and I wanted to let you know, though, that we will both read the book even if it doesn't come to the book fair. :)
This made me so angry! I think the reason that so few kids buy books from the fair is the way Scholastic underestimates us. We are old enough for more than the Captain Underpants books, and homosexual parents is nothing "inappropriate."
Nice letters, huh? Pretty darn amazing letters, matter of fact. Thank you.
I'll end by sharing this, which was forwarded to me by a librarian:
There is a petition going out to Scholastic leadership asking it to stop censoring gay-friendly books. Please spread the word!
Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts: Is there such a thing as a "normal" family? Ten years from now, will the fact that a kid has same-sex parents even be an issue? Do you think it's an issue now?
Don't expect to see Lauren Myracle’s new book Luv Ya Bunches (Abrams/Amulet, 2009) at Scholastic school book fairs this year. It’s been censored—at least for now—due to its language and homosexual content.
Luv Ya Bunches, about four elementary school girls who have little in common, but bond over the fact that they’re all named after flowers, is the first installment of a four-book series. But Scholastic says the book, released on October 1, failed to meet its vetting process because it contains offensive language and same-sex parents of one of the main characters, Milla.
The company sent a letter to Myracle's editor asking the author to omit certain words such as "geez," "crap," "sucks," and "God" (as in, "oh my God") and to alter its plotline to include a heterosexual couple. Myracle agreed to get rid of the offensive language "with the goal—as always—of making the book as available to as many readers as possible," but the deal breaker was changing Milla's two moms.
"A child having same-sex parents is not offensive, in my mind, and shouldn't be 'cleaned up.'" says Myracle, adding that the book fair subsequently decided not to take on Luv Ya Bunches because they wanted to avoid letters of complaint from parents. "I find that appalling. I understand why they would want to avoid complaint letters—no one likes getting hated on—but shouldn't they be willing to evaluate the quality of the complaint? What, exactly, are children being protected against here?"
Myracle, who's no stranger to controversy, has appeared on the American Library Association’s top 10 list of most often challenged authors. Still, she's surprised that Scholastic would shy away from a reality that exists in numerous households across the country.
“Over 200,000 kids in America are raised by same-sex parents, just like Milla. It's not an issue to clean up or hide away,” says Myracle. “In my opinion, it's not an 'issue' at all. The issue, as I see it, is that kids benefit hugely from seeing themselves reflected positively in the books they read. It's an extremely empowering and validating experience."
Scholastic defended the move. “Authors are often given the opportunity to make changes in the books to meet the norms of the various communities that host the fairs,” adds Kyle Good, a Scholastic spokeswoman, explaining that the title will, however, be available in the Scholastic Book Club catalog.
There wasn’t enough time for Scholastic to further review the book before including it in its book fairs, adds Good, but the company will continue monitoring the book’s popularity as well as the input from book fair field representatives to decide whether it should be included in future book fairs.
Last year, a Vancouver, WA, school district stopped sponsoring Scholastic book fairs after a parent complained about the sale of Philip Pullman’s award-winning fantasy novel, The Golden Compass (Knopf, 1996), the first book in the "His Dark Materials" trilogy, saying that it was un-Christian. Instead, parent-teacher associations had to sponsor the event.
Good says she’s uncertain whether titles portraying nontraditional families were available for sale at elementary school Scholastic book fairs. But while Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson’s picture book And Tango Makes Three (S & S, 2005) isn’t available for sale at book fairs, it is available on the Scholastic Web site, she adds.
Wow- I can’t believe the contest is over. I have had such a blast hearing your made up words- gotta love Simran’s “booktastitickle”- and your advice on friendship-Manda P.: “ Don't hang out with people just because there 'popular'; hang out with people who make you feel good and you can be yourself around with.” Such wise words!
I adored learning about your “aaahh” moments. The comment by Dani Tomaz “when I'm lying in bed, reading, and eating sour patch kids :) vair vair delicious” was one of my favs. And, um, gotta admit it was entertaining to hear about your most embarrassing moments- Ari Noth passing out in the meeting- bet you can laugh about it now!
I really hope you enjoyed the challenges and hopefully *crosses fingers* enjoy the book!!!
So without further ado (I’ve always wanted to say that), allow me to announce the winner of the Luv Ya Bunches Flower Power Goddess contest! Like in the last contest, the winner was randomly chosen by an unbiased third party. Drum roll please….
ELENA FELICITY!!!!!!
Congratulations, girl! Email me off the board with the subject heading "I'm the winner"and give me your snail mail addy. (Check with your parents first, der.) Then I'll mail you your contest swag!!!!
As for the rest of youse, I hope you had fun. You are a-mazing. Seriously. I don’t want to get too sappy on ya… but I hope you continue to make reading one of your passions. And as I sign off one last time (well, for this contest), let me remind you that I…
luv ya BUNCHES!!
In the meantime, check this out:
On my flight to Buffalo, NY, an old OLD lady got up as the plane was approaching descent. She needed to go to the bathroom, and apparently the need was STRONG. The flight attendant tried to get her to go back to her seat, but the old lady was having none of it. So she got herself into that tiny bathroom, and the plane started going DOWN DOWN DOWN, and the flight attendant got really worried, because the turbulence was bad. And the old lady was OLD.
The plane started bucking, and the bathroom door started jiggling (as if Old Lady was coming out), and the flight attendant yelled at the top of her lungs, "STAY ON THE TOILET, MA'AM!!!!!"
Poor old lady. How embarrassing to be trapped on the potty as the plane is landing...and for EVERYONE on the plane to know it!
It was funny, too, though. And the lady was fine when she finally emerged. Everyone clapped. It was awesome. Only a weensy bit of toilet paper clung to her support hose.
Over at out from Niagara Falls, where I got to speak to awesome NY librarians today! And only *one* kicked me! A new record!!!!!
Told you it was easy!
As for me, I'm back in my hometown for TWO DAYS before taking off again to visit more cool readers and librarians and teachers and all around cool people. For all of y'all who have emailed me to say "hi" and stuff--THANK YOU! It makes going on tour MUCH less lonely.
Here's a sweet email I received from a mom I met in New Jersey. She writes:
lauren,
hi! you met myself and my twin daughters last night in clinton book store in nj. it was sooooo much fun. remember that Marissa asked you to sign a piece of paper for her friend Lexi? well, Lexi was soooo excited that you did that, she couldn't stop talking about it all night and the next morning! also, do you remember when i said you were so approachable now, and you started to say "why? wasn't i approachable before?" but stopped?
it's not that you weren't approachable. other authors have been very 'standoffish' and all dressed up in power suits, but you were dressed in jeans and nice and talkative. thanks for that and for being so accessible to the girls. i hope the rest of your trip is fun and safe.
thanks again. you made my kids very happy.
Well, that email made *me* very happy! It also made me laugh. Me, in a power suit? Y-y-y-eah, vair vair unlikely.
I'll end with a pic. Here are Elena and Andrea, whom I met...oh...somewhere. (My brain is a big squishy muddle!) But they were adorable, and Elena (or was it Andrea?) promised to read at least 50 pages of Luv Ya Bunches to see whether it would "take" or not. You see, she thinks she is not a reader-girl, but y'all all know that I believe everyone is a reader, and if they think they aren't, they just haven't found the right book yet.
Elena? Andrea? Let me know how it's going!
Today (Saturday): B&N, Kingston NY, 1:00PM. Then Borders, Ramsey, NY, 4:00 PM.
Sunday:
Best Bargain Books, Long Island, NY, 10:00AM.
Books of Wonder, New York, NY, 1:00PM.
And then home! To my darlings! Touring is tons of fun, but I can't wait to hug my husband and kids. I miss them!
Last night I had the best pasta I've ever had in my life at Nina's (?) in Clinton, New Jersey. Then I did a fun event at Clinton Book Shop and got to meet sweetie-pie girls as well as another author, Sarwat Chadda. His book, The Devil's Kiss, just came out, too, and it sounds spooky and thrilling and fab. I bought a copy, but haven't started reading it yet as I am still finishing Monstrumologist (which I LOVE).
Today, off to more events with my sweet and funny publicist, Jason, who brought me bagels and coffee this morning. Thank you, Jason!
Weirdest thing that happened yesterday: As I was sitting in the VA airport waiting for my flight, I eavesdropped on the conversation the woman beside me was having with someone on her cell phone. Apparently, her...um...rectum fell out. I looked all around for it, but couldn't find it.
What's the weirdest thing that happened to *you* yesterday? That'll be for challenge #11... The contest is almost over, by the way! Shirt and swag to be awarded soon!!!!!
Hey. I'm a lucky lady-writer-person to get to go on tour for my book, though. Lucky fo sho!
Today I met funny kids dressed up as super heroes at Fredericksburg Academy, and then hung out at the funky-sweet Jabberwocky bookstore. Then I drove to Fairfax for an awesome evening event at Borders (thanks, Alice! you rock!!!!!) where I got to meet readers I only knew (until now) through the internet. Katie & Co.: omg, thanks for driving such a long way, you darlings! Super-duper fun, and a yummy egg sandwich to boot, and then a rainy drizzly wearisome drive to Richmond that took hours longer than it should have due to construction...
...AT WHICH POINT, UPON ARRIVAL AT LAST, I CHECKED INTO THE WRONG HOTEL.
I even had my rental car valet-parked.
Wow.
Embarrassing.
Challenge #10: Anything embarrassing happen to *you* today? Share!
Tomorrow evening (Friday): I'll be at Clinton Book Shop in Clinton, NJ!!!!!! Come see me and meet my handsome publicist and bring him doughnuts! (I will then smile charmingly and persuade him to give them to me...)
Mwah!
P.S. Oh, and my hair is greasy. REALLY greasy. Yup.
Then, landed in DC and picked up my rental car, complete with NeverLost navigational system. Only for the first time EVER it totally didn't work! It kept telling me to drive through lakes, or take lefts on non-existent highways, or make endless U-turns. It was crazy! And Washington, DC is not the place (for me) to try to wing it with navigation. Well, no place is the place for me to wing it with navigation, but especially not DC with its incomprehensible infrastructure.
I got honked at. A lot. Finally I found a highway, pulled out my handy-dandy iPhone, and used *its* navigational system. Whew.
And now I am in Fredericksburg, VA! I have a school visit this afternoon, and this evening I'll be at the Borders in Fairfax, VA at 7:00 PM. Please come!!!!!
Had a GREAT day today. Did a couple of stock signings (hi, Lindsey!) and got to see my first dump.
Ahem. That came out wrong.
By "dump" I mean "corrugated cardboard display."
Other than its placement in "Teen Non-Fiction," I love it!!!!
Then I had two readings. The first was at the adorable Blue Manatee, which is the cutest quirkiest kids' bookstore ever. Even its bathroom was cute!
Next came an evening event at the amazing Joseph-Beth Booksellers, where one girl, Abby, made me feel very humbled by driving over two hours to see me. I was like, "There is no way I am going to be entertaining enough to make your drive worth it!"
Here's Abby. She is a ghost. JK. Her mom took the picture (supposedly of both of us--guess that makes me the real ghost?), but while UTTERLY CHARMING AND GRACIOUS, she had a hard time grasping the iPhone camera concept.
The event at Joseph-Beth lasted for two hours, and the girls, moms, and I talked about all sorts of stuff, including:
--bra fittings
--female friendship
--tampons
--sisters
--the color "nude"
--popularity
--kindness
--AND BOOKS!
For challenge #9, if you're playing, pick one of the above topics and share a piece of advice on it that you've gotten from a friend/sister/aunt/mother/fabulous other female.
Yay for girlfriends!!!!!! And if you're nearby, come see me at Books & Co. in Beavercreek, OH tomorrow night at 6:00!
P.S. Of course I eat the Pringles...
Tonight, however, I am at the Cincinnatian, with a delish salad imported from North Star Bakery in Cleveland (mmmmmm) and a cookie in the wings, and except for missing my fam (always a hardship of tour), I am happy! Although I did have a slightly creepy beginning to my hotel stay as I couldn't find the hotel entrance (it's hidden under a rock) and had to park in scary basement parking garage. "Children's Author Moidered," I imagined the headlines reading. But I did not die! And my publicist will be happy that I did not rack up valet charges. Perhaps I will eat double the Oreos from the mini-bar instead...
Tour so far has been great: awesome event at Joseph Beth yesterday and awesome event today at the wonderful Cover to Cover.
Plus, inspired by E. Lockhart and Ally Carter, mavens of style, I decided to step it up and wear "fancy" shoes. Well, fancier than my beat-up Rocket Dogs, anyway. But as I had no "fancy" shoes, I had to go to this cool Cleveland mall and buy some. (It was essential, yes?)
Do ya like 'em?
The one embarrassing thing that happened yesterday, though, is that I had an interview with the fabulous Ricki Shultz yesterday after my reading, and she was so cool that I FORGOT TO PAY THE BILL WHEN I LEFT. Yes. I was so energized by our convo (she is smart and funny and knows sooooo much about children's books) that I got up at the end at pranced merrily away, leaving her with the bill after I'd said, "Oh, have a muffin! And a yummy coffee drink! On me!" Aye-yai-yai. Ricki, I am sorry!!!!!!!!
(See that wary look in her eyes? She already suspects I am a scam artist, planning my cheapskate escape. Aye-yai-yai!)
But as I said, I am now--after driving hundreds of miles through Ohio, at my happy ahhhhhh place. So here's challenge #8: what is your ahhhhhh place at the end of the day? Yasaman's ahhhhh place is her computer. Katie-Rose's is behind her video camera. What's yours????
And if you live in Ohio, come see me tomorrow (Tuesday the 6th) at:
4:00 Blue Manatee Children's Bookstore
3054 Madison Rd.
Cincinnati
or
7:00 Joseph-Beth Booksellers
2692 Madison Rd.
Cincinnati
See you there!!!!!
(Sidenote: I have the TV on, because I like TV, and I never get to watch it in my normal life. I am watching "Real Live Atlanta Housewives" or something, and a lady just bought a $3200 gold necklace, which she plans to wear to the grocery. This is not my Atlanta!!!!)
Plus, y'all are just so smart, and good with words, and sometimes just plain hilarious. So again: THANKS.
And now let’s just cut to the chase:
Luv Ya Bunches* comes out TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you ready for Challenge Number 7?!?!!?!
Challenge Part 1: It’s a treasure hunt! Find the book somewhere (hint...try a book store) and report back on your sighting. What state do you live in? What store did ya go to? Did you squeal loudly and obviously and say, "OOO! LOOK! A NEW LAUREN MYRACLE BOOK! OOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOO!" 
Challenge Part 2: Find out what Milla’s turtle’s name is (hint… look at page 95). Then post the answer in some sort of top sekrit code that doesn't involve spilling the beans to everyone else who's playing. Y'all are way clever, as I've seen, so I know you'll figure out a way.
(Bonus challenge: If you can, take a picture with the book and post it, too. Perhaps you don't realize it, but we authors are a needy bunch. Sometimes we just crave reassurance that our books EXIST.)
Squeeeee!! I’m so excited!!!!!
(P.S. Yep, it was the pole dancing that got the principal all worked up...)
*"This book is so cute that disliking it would be disliking a basket of kittens." --yabookscentral.com
Here's a picture of me with Cecily von Ziegesar, author of the Gossip Girls books, which also face a lot of censorship challenges. (The Internet Girl series is #3 on the "Top Ten Most Frequently Challenged Books" list; Gossip Girl is # 7.) Cecily was absolutely lovely and sweet and charming, by the way. I love her style! (Um, *and* her books, der...) If you want to see a very short, very cute "video scrapbook" of the event, you can! Just go here.
Anyway, I came home all fired up about fighting the good fight for keeping books available to kids, but also feeling excited about my upcoming tour for Luv Ya Bunches (pub date is TOMRROW!!!!), and feeling happy in the knowledge that Luv Ya, finally, was a book that wasn't going to get me "in trouble."
How could it get me in trouble? It is so cute! So pink! So full-to-the-brim with delightful characters who take care of each other and love each other and don't, you know, go to frat parties or curse like sailors!
(Cuz they're TWEENS, that's why. Maybe some tweens go to frat parties and curse like sailors, but not my flower-power girls. Maddie, from ttyl? Er, yes. Yes, she does both of those things. But she's also in high school...)
And then. BIG SIGH. I get a call from my publicist (whom I adore, because he always fights the good fight for books), and he tells me that my visit to a school in Columbus, Ohio has been *canceled*. It was set up months ago, and today, a week before I'm supposed to go see these awesome Ohio kids, the principal canceled my visit because he finally looked Luv Ya Bunches over--and he found it INAPPROPRIATE.
He decided that the benefits of giving his students the chance to talk to an author (who is NICE! I swear! and loves kids and loves talking to them about writing!) didn't outweigh the risk of exposing them to me and my inappropriate book.
AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
Here is the section of the book he found objectionable. The context: Yasaman
is feeling down and calls her cousin, Hulya, who is in high school.“Hulya?” she says. “Hi!”
“Yaz!” Hulya says. “Waddup, cuz? Keeping it real?”
Yasaman grins, because Hulya only talks this way
when no one else is around. To Yasaman, she’ll say, “Give
me some knuckles” or “Yo yo yo,” but to their elderly
büyükbaba and büyükanne and their gazillion of halanin
and amcanin, it’s yes, ma’am, no sir all the way.
“Um, yeah, I guess I’m keeping it real,” Yasaman says.
She grips the phone. “School starts tomorrow.”
“Yah, I know,” Hulya says. “My friend Chrissy?
She’s insane. She’s planning this whole sneak attack
on Joseph Terrico, who we call Jellico. She is boy crazy
with a capital boy, I’m telling ya. She’s the total ditzy
blonde—I love her. Only she’s smart under her ditziness,
she does have brains, but she’d rather tie a pillow to
her tummy and have pretend sumo wrestler fights, ya
know?”
Yasaman holds the phone close. She marvels at the
way Hulya’s words spill out of her like jelly beans. She
also marvels at the image she gets of this Chrissy, blond
and manic and pillow-huge, bouncing into people’s
stomachs.
“But even when she’s sumo wrestling, she blabbers
about boys,” Hulya says, “She says she’s got ‘boy crazy’
in her genes. Her older sister, Angela? She just started
college—somewhere in the south, maybe Georgia?—
and apparently she’s dating an entire fraternity. Can you
belive it?”
Yasaman opens her mouth to reply.
Before she can, Hulya jumps back in. “But not in a
slutty way, for reals. I’m friends with Angela on Facebook,
and she’s just as adorable as Chrissy and not skanky at
all. Oh! But their aunt? She’s a pole dancer, Yaz. Can you
believe it?”
Yasaman is slightly breathless just from listening
to Hulya’s spew. “Um . . . you’re Facebook friends with a
college girl?”
“Oh, on Facebook you’re friends with everybody,”
Hulya says breezily.
So. Yes. Because of that passage, I won't get to go visit the school in Ohio, and kids who may (or may not) have been looking forward to it will be disappointed, and...ah, it just makes me feel bad. It also makes me doubt myself. *Am* I wrong about what's appropriate to talk about and what's not???
I want to know your thoughts, and you DON'T have to agree with me or answer in the way you think I want you to. Just answer from the heart.
Your challenge:
1) Tell me what, exactly, you think the principal objected to in the quoted passage. (I will report back later and tell you the answer!)
2) Write a letter to the principal of the school telling him what you think of his decision. Since I don't know the principal--I don't even know the name of the school--I won't actually send the letters to him. They can just exist here on the site for everyone to read and respond to. And as I said, you can agree with him or disagree with him. The only rule? You have to be polite!!!! We flower-power gals are ALL ABOUT POLITE, right?
Post your letters here, on LJ, or here, on the contest site.
And if you live in Ohio--or know anyone who does--tell them to come see me! And give me a HUG!!!!! (Or at least a friendly high-five...)
Here's my Ohio schedule:
12:40-2:00pm Signing at the GLIBA Book Festival
Renaissance Cleveland Hotel
Renaissance Cleveland Hotel
24 Public Square,
Cleveland, Ohio
3:00pm Reading and signing
Joseph-Beth Booksellers
24519 Cedar Rd
Monday October 5, 2009
1:00pm School visit
4:00pm Reading and Signing
Cover to Cover Bookstore
3560 North High Street
Tuesday October 6, 2009
4:00pm Reading and signing
Blue Manatee Children's Bookstore
3054 Madison Rd.
Cincinnati, OH
7:00pm Reading and signing
Joseph-Beth Booksellers
2692 Madison Road
Cincinnati, OH
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
6:00pm Reading and signing
Wednesday October 21
6:00pm Reading and signing
Fundamentals Parent Teacher Bookstore
25 West Winter Street
Delaware, OH
More tour deets to come. Hope to see y'all when I'm out and about!
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What a blatant cop out for Scholastic to claim they're not censoring Luv Ya Bunches. Scholastic told you what to change in order to get your book into their book fairs. If you had changed the homosexual parents of one of the girls to heterosexual parents, the book would have passed. To Scholastic, I say: You have a right to be bigoted, but you have a duty to be honest.